When it comes to housekeeping we all have to chip in and here at BMovie Cheese were not adverse to a little toilet cleaning. God knows the bowl gets a pounding.
So yeah.
A word from Grizzly Porkiff:
I spoke with The Snout and we decided an end of the month housekeeping session would be good for “quiet reflection” - as they say, and a good forecast for the month ahead. Personally I look forward to a little bowl scrubbin.
There are of course horror films that I watched - and didn’t review this month - I’m looking at you Dollman Vs Demonic Toys. But honestly there haven’t been that many and all my shit is in storage right now so I couldn’t look through the pile to jog my memory. I can report that I have a fairly huge pile of unwatched cheese for the next month or two including the first two entries in the Silent Night Deadly Night series that The Snout has already begun to dissect. I smell a counter-review in the works.
Looking ahead to February I think a couple of reviews each would be a good target, at least that way were meeting a minimum of one a week. Of course its tempting to do more but my writing binges must be monitored carefully for health reasons - like Charlie Sheen at a gang bang I’m getting too old to cope with the burn-out.
In short I want to get into some 80's slashers and make a start on my Best Exploding Bird Scenes in Horror treatise.
With that I’ll hand things over to The Snout for his monthly cogitate.
Thanks be to Grizz....
Apart from the fact that I have watched ZombieLand again, for the 1,000th time (I love that movie... and so does Foxtel), January has been a fair disappointment on the horror movie front for the old Snout-meister. Like Grizz, I have a back log ("then go to the toilet already!"...Boom,Ching!) of B-Movie cheese to get through. Classic titles like:
- C.H.U.D II: Bud the Chud
- Terror Train
- The Burning
and many more.
I've been fairly slack with the reviewing and promise to get through a few more to keep all of our ONE reader interested (Thanks Mrs. W). I've even anonymously sent the link of B-Movie Cheese to some unsuspecting readers at work just to get some site stats up. Some of them thought the site was highly amusing.
This doesn't surprise me as some of us at work, for entertainment, fart into a empty postal tube and get people to smell it when we have no work on. It's not just one fart, it's multiple farts where you slam the lid on after you have passed it into the tube, trapping it in there to ferment. So basically it ends up with many different farts trapped. I reckon it would smell like the ghost catching box out of Ghostbusters after they've caught a heap of ghosts. You know the one (see below).... I can just here that chick yelling "We got one!!".
I know that you are thinking "that is disgusting", but let me tell you, that is some champagne comedy right there. Especially when the unsuspecting person actually smells it. Seriously, who in their right mind would even entertain the thought of smelling an empty postal tube that two giggling grown men have asked you to. I'm not sure which is funnier; the look of anger on the person's face when they find out they've ingested old, stale, fart OR the pure genius of our persuasion of getting someone to smell it......We do work in sales.
Anyway, I've gone off the track. I have watched some movies this month.
Paranormal Activity 2 (Seriously, my two dogs dump scarier and more interesting things)
My Soul to take (Surely Wes Craven is having a lend. Give me my 2 hours back Wes. You owe me.)
I Spit on your Grave (remake) (A worthy remake and the chick is hot. Pity about what happens to her.)
Hatchet (Enjoyable hack fest with all the right ingredients of boobs, blood and mutated freak)
Blood Creek (Surprised me with how much I really enjoyed this one. Zombie Horses! Fuck yes!)
Frozen (Geez those wolves were hungry....)
Let me In (Pretty good remake..... Ummm.... I've got nothing else on this one.....)
So really, I haven't been slack in watching, it's just that My Soul to Take and Paranormal Activity 2 were such turkeys, that my will to review, and not just hope that another movie isn't going to disappoint, has been shattered. I will return.
So, in closing: February, being a short month (and all Aquarians should rejoice as it also houses my birthday), I have a few to get through. The Grizz is coming for a visit to my crap-shack in the Ghetto late this week (I promise to get rid of the plastic sheets on the spare bed for you. As James Hetfield once sang "Sleep with one eye ooohh-pen. Gripping your pillow ti-ght"). Maybe we might even muster up a combined review on something..... or maybe we'll just have a beer, kick back on the lounge and maybe get a reach-around. If he's lucky.....
Snout.
It's a little known fact that The Grilled Snout was a child actor turned ghost trap pioneer as evidenced in the above video - ed