I thought spontaneous vomiting only happened in children.....
And yet, here we are. Covered in what I had for dinner and 3 Altenmunster beers. Well, I didn't really vomit but this movie is sssooooooooooooooo shit, if I could spontaneously vomit, I would have.
Old Snouty doesn't hand out the dog shit award on a whim. No sir-ee. You only get it if you deserve it. Unfortunately, I'm handing it out for a second time AND this was worse than that other peice of shit "Husk" (I refuse to link to it). Speaking of dog shit, I have two large dogs. They shit a lot. I mean, they shit A LOT. I'm not sure if that's normal for a dog but every couple of days we seem to "collect" a shopping bag full of shit from the back yard. Dog food is expensive and it's tough watching them devour all of this "gold plated" food, only to see them look at you after they've cleaned the bowl to say "yep, food goes in, poo comes out".
Snout, why are you talking about collecting your dog's shit?
Well, here's the punchline:
If the makers of this movie had of come to me, I would have handed them a shopping bag full of my dog's shit, told them to grind all the logs together, press them into the shape of a DVD and place that into the DVD case. I would have had more enjoyment out of looking at a dog shit made DVD than wasting a hour and a half of my life. Must have been amateur hour in hollywood that day.
It can't be that bad, can it?
No werewolves until the end. I work with a bloke who is hairy. You know those guys who have just got a shit load of fur on them. "I have to shave down my neck" hairy. Seeing him without a shirt on would qualify him to be scarier or more realistic than the half shaved badger's that appear in this. See below picture of a werewolf in this movie:
No BOOB WHAT-SO-EVER. I'm not even going to comment. You know my stance on lack of boob.
The chick's are average. Come on. There are tonnes of hot chicks wanting to be actresses and by the standard of acting in this piece of shit, they weren't real picky. Give us some eye candy.
The gore is minimal. And by gore I mean red paint. And by minimal I mean none. And by "the" I mean "the".
A Werewolf movie with no gore and no boob and NO WEREWOLVES. Come on.
I could run through the movie plot but I really don't think there was one. I was too busy spontaneously vomiting.
P.s: When I first said I was going to watch this movie, this is an actual picture of my wife slapping me in an attempt to wake up to myself.
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